This past weekend, I had the pleasure of participating in a major Magic tournament. While I did not win, I had an absolute blast and enjoyed my experience. I bring this part up because, in Round 2, I was witness to an innovative and very adorable proposal.
For quick reference, a player may request another player receive a deck check if he/she feels there is something suspicious occuring.
A woman's boyfriend asked a judge to check his girlfriend's deck. He walked up to the judging station with the judge, whispering something to him as he did so. When they returned, the judge presented her with her deckbox and said "Please be careful opening your deckbox."
Next thing you know, the guy is on one knee, and inside the deckbox, on top of her deck, is a ring.
Now, let me tell you, this is awesome, and a perfect example of how to use something you and your significant other are passionate about in order to have an amazing emotional experience. The love that these two shared with one another and for this game showed in that one moment, and I felt extremely warm inside. There was a stoppage of time and we all gave them a standing ovation (the entire round got a time extension!), as well as a congratulations given from the head judge and the judging station.
If you should learn anything from this, it's that you should never be afraid to share your passions with who you love, nor should you be afraid to use those passions to cultivate and elevate your relationship. Grow your love through the other things in life that you love, and you will be very happy. The sign of a happy, healthy relationship is one where each person can feel comfortable sharing and telling one another about their passions. This lucky couple just so happened to love a game so much that a creative proposal was thought up. Some may find it tacky, but I spoke with the lucky bride-to-be after the round ended and she told me that she was so proud and honored to have been proposed to in a room full of fellow Magic players, because they all shared her passion for the game, and she wouldn't have been proposed to any other way.
In case it wasn't obvious-she said yes!
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Playing the Market...Be Careful Not To Crash
So you're fairly newly single and decide you want to play the market a bit. You'll date around a bit, going out with a different guy every now and again, trying to see what's out there for yourself. You like some of the people you date, but you don't see any reason to commit, nor do you think it's smart to stop dating around when it's so fun. You just keep going, because where's the harm in it all?
There's a lot of harm you're doing, both to yourself and to the others, when you try the dating around angle.
Dating around could be seen as a good way to meet other people and gauge your interest level in the dating market, but I don't think it's the best way to go about finding someone for yourself. It could build a bad reputation-people may talk about you behind your back, say you're afraid of commitment, or worse things. You could be painting this horrible image of yourself without realizing it.
Making it clear that you are only in the game to date and have fun is not a good enough excuse. It comes off as immature and loosey-goosey, something you should be avoiding when maturity is of utmost importance.
What do you do then? How do you shop around without leading yourself down a road of self-image destruction?
You can use online dating or social gatherings to meet new people and make friends. Get to know them a bit in these functions before you decide a date is proper. Get some phone numbers or emails, have some outside conversation, and build a strong foundation. It's fine to talk to many people and get to know them, as you haven't gone on a date proper at all.
Once you decide on going on a date with one person, give them a few shots. You can't really determine whether or not someone is for you in just one go. If you like him/her, go on a few more dates. See where things go. If you don't, no harm, you've built a strong base of candidates you can choose from and get to know a bit better.
Until you find yourself in a committed relationship, don't stop chatting with your other friends. At the same time, make sure you don't lead anyone on-make it clear that you're dating someone at the moment, and that you're seeing how things go with that person.
Dating around can lead to all sorts of drama you don't need in your life. Avoid it.
There's a lot of harm you're doing, both to yourself and to the others, when you try the dating around angle.
Dating around could be seen as a good way to meet other people and gauge your interest level in the dating market, but I don't think it's the best way to go about finding someone for yourself. It could build a bad reputation-people may talk about you behind your back, say you're afraid of commitment, or worse things. You could be painting this horrible image of yourself without realizing it.
Making it clear that you are only in the game to date and have fun is not a good enough excuse. It comes off as immature and loosey-goosey, something you should be avoiding when maturity is of utmost importance.
What do you do then? How do you shop around without leading yourself down a road of self-image destruction?
You can use online dating or social gatherings to meet new people and make friends. Get to know them a bit in these functions before you decide a date is proper. Get some phone numbers or emails, have some outside conversation, and build a strong foundation. It's fine to talk to many people and get to know them, as you haven't gone on a date proper at all.
Once you decide on going on a date with one person, give them a few shots. You can't really determine whether or not someone is for you in just one go. If you like him/her, go on a few more dates. See where things go. If you don't, no harm, you've built a strong base of candidates you can choose from and get to know a bit better.
Until you find yourself in a committed relationship, don't stop chatting with your other friends. At the same time, make sure you don't lead anyone on-make it clear that you're dating someone at the moment, and that you're seeing how things go with that person.
Dating around can lead to all sorts of drama you don't need in your life. Avoid it.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
How to Be The Supporting Beam
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where your girlfriend or boyfriend was in a really bad way, and you didn't really know what you could do to help? Sometimes you feel powerless, helpless to fix the problems that he or she is suffering from.
What do you do? What can you do to help? Are you truly useless if you can't figure anything out? There's gotta be something you can do to ease the pain, isn't there? That's your job as a member of a relationship, right?
Well, yes and no. Yes, it is your responsibility to be there for your significant other, to do what you can to help. However, even if you think there's nothing you can do to help, I'm here to tell you that there is always something you can do to help.
You can be there.
You can give your shoulder for him or her to cry on. You can offer words of support and encouragement. You can hold him or her close, and say that everything will be alright. You can show that you can be strong enough for the both of you in dire times.
You can simply exist.
Just don't ignore your significant other, and you're already doing something to help. When you think you might not be doing anything, just by being there and caring is doing your share. It sounds simple, yes, and perhaps even lazy, but it isn't. It takes plenty of emotional energy to comfort someone in their times of great need. A simple pat on the back along with a "It's gonna be okay" is sometimes more than enough.
Just remember that you aren't a miracle worker. You can't fix all the problems that come your way. Try to, and you will crash and burn out. You will forget that you need to help yourself along the way, and it will eat away at you inside. You'll lose yourself, and, potentially, you'll lose your mind.
What do you do? What can you do to help? Are you truly useless if you can't figure anything out? There's gotta be something you can do to ease the pain, isn't there? That's your job as a member of a relationship, right?
Well, yes and no. Yes, it is your responsibility to be there for your significant other, to do what you can to help. However, even if you think there's nothing you can do to help, I'm here to tell you that there is always something you can do to help.
You can be there.
You can give your shoulder for him or her to cry on. You can offer words of support and encouragement. You can hold him or her close, and say that everything will be alright. You can show that you can be strong enough for the both of you in dire times.
You can simply exist.
Just don't ignore your significant other, and you're already doing something to help. When you think you might not be doing anything, just by being there and caring is doing your share. It sounds simple, yes, and perhaps even lazy, but it isn't. It takes plenty of emotional energy to comfort someone in their times of great need. A simple pat on the back along with a "It's gonna be okay" is sometimes more than enough.
Just remember that you aren't a miracle worker. You can't fix all the problems that come your way. Try to, and you will crash and burn out. You will forget that you need to help yourself along the way, and it will eat away at you inside. You'll lose yourself, and, potentially, you'll lose your mind.
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Fun Dates Without Breaking The Bank
In your lifetime, you've probably been on the date where either yourself or the person you were on the date with spent quite a large sum of money for a simple day or night out. Perhaps you're the kind of person who likes to spend lots of money on a date, but sometimes it's just unreasonable to expect your significant other to have the money to consistently spend large amounts for dates. What do you do, then? Dump him or her and just move on? No no, that would be rather shallow. Instead, let me offer up some ideas for really fun (and cheap!) dates:
1) Cooking Date: This is the staple of my and my fiancée's relationship. We both love to cook (she got me hooked on it after she taught herself how to cook), and we find that a home cooked meal can be as delicious as a restaurant meal at a fraction of the cost. For example, we have, in the past, ran 40-50 dollar bills at Italian restaurants on classics such as Fried Zucchini and Baked Ziti. With some research, we were able to find recipes for both of these delicious meals that, when made from scratch, only cost us about 25-30 dollars, depending on what kind of cheese we used in the baked Ziti. That's about 20 dollars saved just by doing the work ourselves. Coupled with the fact that it's hilarious to watch us bicker over how well mixed something is or how much of an ingredient we already put into the recipe, cooking dates are sources of laughter and yums!
2) Picnic: If you have a park near your home, then get yourself a cheap wicker basket and blanket from your local thrift shop, pack a couple of sandwiches, buy some chips, and go outside and enjoy the weather! It's always nice to have a good conversation while the sun is shining overhead, there are families with their pets playing nearby, and a lovely significant other to just stop and stare at.
3) A walk around town: Do you live in a pretty large city? Perhaps you come from a small town of only a few hundred people. No matter what, there's always something worth seeing and finding wherever you may live. This is a great way to find those little mom and pop restaurants that you hear about from your friends or from random people you pass by on the street. It's great to support local owners, and the food is probably much cheaper than at a restaurant.
These are three simple things you can do to save some cash on your dates. It'll allow you to go on more adventurous dates in the future as well as maintaining a high level of enjoyment with your significant other.
Thanks for stopping by!
1) Cooking Date: This is the staple of my and my fiancée's relationship. We both love to cook (she got me hooked on it after she taught herself how to cook), and we find that a home cooked meal can be as delicious as a restaurant meal at a fraction of the cost. For example, we have, in the past, ran 40-50 dollar bills at Italian restaurants on classics such as Fried Zucchini and Baked Ziti. With some research, we were able to find recipes for both of these delicious meals that, when made from scratch, only cost us about 25-30 dollars, depending on what kind of cheese we used in the baked Ziti. That's about 20 dollars saved just by doing the work ourselves. Coupled with the fact that it's hilarious to watch us bicker over how well mixed something is or how much of an ingredient we already put into the recipe, cooking dates are sources of laughter and yums!
2) Picnic: If you have a park near your home, then get yourself a cheap wicker basket and blanket from your local thrift shop, pack a couple of sandwiches, buy some chips, and go outside and enjoy the weather! It's always nice to have a good conversation while the sun is shining overhead, there are families with their pets playing nearby, and a lovely significant other to just stop and stare at.
3) A walk around town: Do you live in a pretty large city? Perhaps you come from a small town of only a few hundred people. No matter what, there's always something worth seeing and finding wherever you may live. This is a great way to find those little mom and pop restaurants that you hear about from your friends or from random people you pass by on the street. It's great to support local owners, and the food is probably much cheaper than at a restaurant.
These are three simple things you can do to save some cash on your dates. It'll allow you to go on more adventurous dates in the future as well as maintaining a high level of enjoyment with your significant other.
Thanks for stopping by!
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Cheating
Building on my last post about handling a cheater, I'd like to take a little more of an in-depth look into cheating.
For those of you that do not know me personally, I play Magic: The Gathering quite seriously. In recent days, there have been a rash of bannings for cheating, which has prompted me to think about this subject in terms of dating. I typically save my long posts for Mondays or Tuesdays, but I felt like I should write about this subject. I am going to be very blunt both in my proposed questions and answers to those questions.
When a person cheats in a relationship, does this bring about a stigma that they will do it again? Once a cheater, always a cheater?
The answer is no, it does not mean that. A one-time offense of cheating does not set you on the path of unfaithfulness for the rest of your life, and neither should anyone assume your character will be forever questionable as a result. I do believe that you need to exercise slightly more caution when courting someone or being courted by someone who has cheated before, but do not let it completely rule your judgment.
Examine the facts behind the incidence of cheating. Was it done under the cloud of liquor? Perhaps the relationship had already gone sour and was moving towards a breakup. Maybe things were just fine, and someone was just feeling like they needed to do something very stupid. In any case, there is always a reason for one’s actions, whether the reasoning is good or not. It is up to you to determine if you are comfortable with the reasoning and can date someone who previously cheated. You are not doing this to see if the cheating is justified. Let me be clear that cheating is never, ever justified. You are just trying to get the facts of the situation down.
Let’s look at this from the standpoint of the cheater. Are you now completely untrustworthy? No, you aren’t. Just because you cheated once does not mean that you are an utter sack of lying shit. However, if someone you are trying to court or are being courted by inquiries on the circumstances behind your cheating, I heavily advise that you are as open and honest about it as you can be. No matter how scathing the action was, you need to be upfront, because if that person finds out through back channels, you can kiss any chance with him/her goodbye.
You also need to show that you have developed the emotional maturity to move beyond your one-time mistake. If you admit that you did something wrong, that’s half the atonement right there. Now all you need to do is show that you won’t do it again. I have great respect for people who can do this, and your love interest should as well.
I now come to the multiple offender. The serial cheater. Loves putting his d**k in so many different orifices that they could call his junk a shovel. Do the same pieces of advice and rules apply here? Here comes my bluntness. Never date a serial cheater. Do not associate yourself with that kind of person. They are a serial cheater for a reason-they have a problem and they cannot stop. They need some sort of professional help to break the habit. Unless you are that person, it is not worth your time. These people have not matured past their problem like the one-and-done cheaters, and will only continue to cause emotional duress.
I understand this subject is very sensitive, and hope that I have not offended anyone. Much love to all my readers.
For those of you that do not know me personally, I play Magic: The Gathering quite seriously. In recent days, there have been a rash of bannings for cheating, which has prompted me to think about this subject in terms of dating. I typically save my long posts for Mondays or Tuesdays, but I felt like I should write about this subject. I am going to be very blunt both in my proposed questions and answers to those questions.
When a person cheats in a relationship, does this bring about a stigma that they will do it again? Once a cheater, always a cheater?
The answer is no, it does not mean that. A one-time offense of cheating does not set you on the path of unfaithfulness for the rest of your life, and neither should anyone assume your character will be forever questionable as a result. I do believe that you need to exercise slightly more caution when courting someone or being courted by someone who has cheated before, but do not let it completely rule your judgment.
Examine the facts behind the incidence of cheating. Was it done under the cloud of liquor? Perhaps the relationship had already gone sour and was moving towards a breakup. Maybe things were just fine, and someone was just feeling like they needed to do something very stupid. In any case, there is always a reason for one’s actions, whether the reasoning is good or not. It is up to you to determine if you are comfortable with the reasoning and can date someone who previously cheated. You are not doing this to see if the cheating is justified. Let me be clear that cheating is never, ever justified. You are just trying to get the facts of the situation down.
Let’s look at this from the standpoint of the cheater. Are you now completely untrustworthy? No, you aren’t. Just because you cheated once does not mean that you are an utter sack of lying shit. However, if someone you are trying to court or are being courted by inquiries on the circumstances behind your cheating, I heavily advise that you are as open and honest about it as you can be. No matter how scathing the action was, you need to be upfront, because if that person finds out through back channels, you can kiss any chance with him/her goodbye.
You also need to show that you have developed the emotional maturity to move beyond your one-time mistake. If you admit that you did something wrong, that’s half the atonement right there. Now all you need to do is show that you won’t do it again. I have great respect for people who can do this, and your love interest should as well.
I now come to the multiple offender. The serial cheater. Loves putting his d**k in so many different orifices that they could call his junk a shovel. Do the same pieces of advice and rules apply here? Here comes my bluntness. Never date a serial cheater. Do not associate yourself with that kind of person. They are a serial cheater for a reason-they have a problem and they cannot stop. They need some sort of professional help to break the habit. Unless you are that person, it is not worth your time. These people have not matured past their problem like the one-and-done cheaters, and will only continue to cause emotional duress.
I understand this subject is very sensitive, and hope that I have not offended anyone. Much love to all my readers.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
How To Handle Being Cheated On
I will preface this post by saying that I have never been a victim of
nor a culprit of cheating. I believe myself to be very fortunate for
this, but as such, some may find my opinions to be not as well-founded
as someone who has experienced this pain. Whether or not your feel this
way, I believe I have a good opinion on the matter.
Being cheated on is never a good place to be. You put your trust and faith in a person, he/she turns around and spits it right back in your face. What do you do? Do you completely cut ties with this person? Do you try to work things out? Do you ignore it and move on?
I know that the third hypothetical is rather odd sounding, but I included it to help develop my argument. I cannot stress how important it is NOT to ignore an obvious cheat. Do not do it. It is unhealthy for your psyche and for your relationship. it sends a message to your partner that he/she can go about being unfaithful as he/she pleases. You need to be mature, open, and confrontational when cheated on. If there is evidence to support it, take it seriously. Make sure it is strong evidence, of course, and do not jump at even the slightest hint of cheating every two seconds. This makes you look like the untrustworthy one.
So, you are presented with substantial and well-founded evidence that you have been cheated on. Your boy/girlfriend had a few drinks last night while out with his friends and hooked up with this girl. A number of people tell you about it, and you confront him about it. He shows remorse and swears it will never happen again. What do you do?
There are a number of paths you can take. You can have a civil discussion about what happened and give him/her ample opportunity to explain his/her actions. If you feel that it was truly a mistake and that he/she truly didn’t mean to do it, you can probably forgive him/her. I would advise that you keep a close eye on him/her though if he/she puts him/herself in a situation similar to when he/she cheated.
If you aren’t a fan of the one strike rule, you can simple cut ties with that person no matter what explanation he/she gives you. I want you to know that this is perfectly understandable and would be what I would do in this situation. Sometimes the emotional damage is too great to overcome, and you’re better off just ending things rather than dragging your feet through something that you believe is broken.
Whatever your decision ends up being, make sure you can justify it to yourself and others. Don’t shake people off if they think you should think more carefully about it.
In closing, I would personally advise that you never go beyond a one strike rule. Cheating is a serious offense. The first time could truly be one hell of an accident, but anything beyond it is a pattern in my eyes.
Being cheated on is never a good place to be. You put your trust and faith in a person, he/she turns around and spits it right back in your face. What do you do? Do you completely cut ties with this person? Do you try to work things out? Do you ignore it and move on?
I know that the third hypothetical is rather odd sounding, but I included it to help develop my argument. I cannot stress how important it is NOT to ignore an obvious cheat. Do not do it. It is unhealthy for your psyche and for your relationship. it sends a message to your partner that he/she can go about being unfaithful as he/she pleases. You need to be mature, open, and confrontational when cheated on. If there is evidence to support it, take it seriously. Make sure it is strong evidence, of course, and do not jump at even the slightest hint of cheating every two seconds. This makes you look like the untrustworthy one.
So, you are presented with substantial and well-founded evidence that you have been cheated on. Your boy/girlfriend had a few drinks last night while out with his friends and hooked up with this girl. A number of people tell you about it, and you confront him about it. He shows remorse and swears it will never happen again. What do you do?
There are a number of paths you can take. You can have a civil discussion about what happened and give him/her ample opportunity to explain his/her actions. If you feel that it was truly a mistake and that he/she truly didn’t mean to do it, you can probably forgive him/her. I would advise that you keep a close eye on him/her though if he/she puts him/herself in a situation similar to when he/she cheated.
If you aren’t a fan of the one strike rule, you can simple cut ties with that person no matter what explanation he/she gives you. I want you to know that this is perfectly understandable and would be what I would do in this situation. Sometimes the emotional damage is too great to overcome, and you’re better off just ending things rather than dragging your feet through something that you believe is broken.
Whatever your decision ends up being, make sure you can justify it to yourself and others. Don’t shake people off if they think you should think more carefully about it.
In closing, I would personally advise that you never go beyond a one strike rule. Cheating is a serious offense. The first time could truly be one hell of an accident, but anything beyond it is a pattern in my eyes.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Sex: You Shouldn't Feel Obligated
Today, I
would like to address a topic that was brought to my attention some
time ago. I was informed by a friend of a question that you have a
choice of answering to increase your likelihood of finding a match on
OKCupid. The question is as follows:
"Is there ever a situation or circumstance that obligates you to have sex with someone else?"
This is a bit of a paraphrase on my part, but this is the general idea of the question. I will begin by answering the question, the examining why I answered the question the way I did.
The answer to this question is a very simple one. One that I hope will resonate deeply with you and make you realize that you did, in fact, just read that question and that you are not imagining things.
So, what's the answer to the question, you ask?
HELL NO.
Folks, there is never a time, place, world, setting, circumstance, insert-word-here where you should feel obligated to have sex with someone. This is such a cheap thing to do and probably makes you feel like a tool for the satisfaction of someone's sex drive.
First off, this is making sex into payment for something. You need to give someone sexual pleasure in exchange for a service provided. This is very close to if not the same thing as prostitution, which I'm sure you don't really want to be associated with, unless that's your sort of thing.
I also wonder how an individual can arrive at the conclusion of making you have sex with them for something. Like, how does that work? You had a really bad night and needed someone to talk to? Well, I just did that for a few hours, now you need to have sex with me to pay me back. How could you be so horrible to a person? Do you realize that you are treading the fine line of rape here? You know, demanding sex from a potentially unwilling individual? That's a big ol' no-no in my book.
The implications here are staggering. You're making yourself out to be a creep, untrustworthy, selfish, and, well, a dick, to be frank. And I'm not just talking about this from a guy to girl perspective. This stuff doesn't fly no matter what sex you may be.
If you feel that it is appropriate to ask someone for sex in return for a major favor, then you really have no clue what it means to be a decent individual, friend, or, well, anything at all, really.
"Is there ever a situation or circumstance that obligates you to have sex with someone else?"
This is a bit of a paraphrase on my part, but this is the general idea of the question. I will begin by answering the question, the examining why I answered the question the way I did.
The answer to this question is a very simple one. One that I hope will resonate deeply with you and make you realize that you did, in fact, just read that question and that you are not imagining things.
So, what's the answer to the question, you ask?
HELL NO.
Folks, there is never a time, place, world, setting, circumstance, insert-word-here where you should feel obligated to have sex with someone. This is such a cheap thing to do and probably makes you feel like a tool for the satisfaction of someone's sex drive.
First off, this is making sex into payment for something. You need to give someone sexual pleasure in exchange for a service provided. This is very close to if not the same thing as prostitution, which I'm sure you don't really want to be associated with, unless that's your sort of thing.
I also wonder how an individual can arrive at the conclusion of making you have sex with them for something. Like, how does that work? You had a really bad night and needed someone to talk to? Well, I just did that for a few hours, now you need to have sex with me to pay me back. How could you be so horrible to a person? Do you realize that you are treading the fine line of rape here? You know, demanding sex from a potentially unwilling individual? That's a big ol' no-no in my book.
The implications here are staggering. You're making yourself out to be a creep, untrustworthy, selfish, and, well, a dick, to be frank. And I'm not just talking about this from a guy to girl perspective. This stuff doesn't fly no matter what sex you may be.
If you feel that it is appropriate to ask someone for sex in return for a major favor, then you really have no clue what it means to be a decent individual, friend, or, well, anything at all, really.
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